Finding Comfort When Father’s Day Hurts 

This month, it seems we are surrounded by “Happy Father’s Day” messages, from commercials for the best Father’s Day gifts to buy to displays of backyard barbecues and family gatherings. And while we certainly hope that it can be a day of celebration and connection, the reality is that Father’s Day can also bring up grief, disappointment, hurt, longing, or a mix of all of the above. 

If Father’s Day feels difficult for you, you’re not alone. Below are some ways to approach the day with intention rather than simply trying to survive it. 

If you are missing your father…

Special occasions like birthdays and holidays can often amplify someone’s absence. You might find yourself wishing you could reach out, thinking about traditions you miss, or recounting memories you want to relive.

Consider finding meaningful ways to connect with your father’s memory. This may include looking through old photos, listening to music he enjoyed, or rewatching a favorite movie that reminds you of him. You might also make his favorite meal, visit a place you used to enjoy together, or participate in an activity he loved.

Remember, there is no “right” way to honor someone or feel connected to them. 

If you have a difficult or estranged relationship with your father…

Not everyone has a close or positive relationship with their father. For some, Father's Day can bring feelings of guilt, anger, sadness, or confusion as expectations around the father-child relationship don’t always align with personal experiences.

Remember that you can decide how—and if—to participate in Father's Day. Setting boundaries is not selfish, it's a way of taking care of yourself. You may choose a shorter visit instead of an all-day gathering, sending a text message instead of calling, or deciding on no contact at all if that is what feels healthiest for you.

You can also use the day to celebrate other paternal figures or supportive people in your life. This could be a grandfather, uncle, older sibling, coach, teacher, mentor, or close friend who has had a meaningful impact on you. Reaching out to them instead can feel like a meaningful way to honor the day. 

If you are grieving the loss of a child…

For some, Father's Day serves as a reminder of a child who has died, a pregnancy loss, infertility struggles, or dreams of parenthood that have not unfolded as one had hoped for. Such experiences can make the day especially painful. If this resonates with you, it is important to give yourself permission to experience any emotions that come up and to do so without judgment. 

It can also be helpful to express your needs to others. This may look like limiting your exposure to social media, shortening your participation in celebrations, or making separate plans that feel more supportive and manageable for you.

If you are questioning yourself as a father…

Fatherhood can come with immense responsibility, with many dads feeling pressured to always have the answers, remain patient, and provide for their families.

On Father's Day, it can be easy to compare yourself to idealized images of parenthood and assume that you're not doing enough. It’s important to remember that parenting is not about perfection. Parenting is about showing up and making an effort, even on difficult days. 

Instead of focusing on what you think you should be doing, take time to recognize what you've already done. Think about moments when you comforted your child, taught them something new, and supported your family, even if it was something as simple as making them laugh. 

Give yourself permission to celebrate the way that works for you.

There is no one way to experience Father's Day. For some people, it will be a day of celebration. For others, it may be a day of remembrance, reflection, or self-care.

Whatever Father's Day means to you, it is important to let yourself approach it in a way that honors your own experience. The goal isn't to have the "perfect" day—it's about recognizing what you genuinely need.